Tuesday, September 7, 2010

How 2 tick people off

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
13. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
14. Honk and wave to strangers.
16. type only in lowercase.
17. dont use any punctuation either
18. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"Never mind, it's gone now."
19. Ask people what gender they are.
20. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
21. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
22. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

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